rydra_wong: Text: BAD BRAIN DAY. Picture: Azula, having one. (a:tla -- bad brain day)
[personal profile] rydra_wong
Courtesy of [personal profile] gingerschnapps, it's the [mental health] Downswing Party!

Bring your mood disorder, anxiety or other mental health issue! Commiserate! Hang out!

Important note: if you're worrying that you're not doing badly enough to qualify, you are welcome too!

GD & Taeyang's Good Boy

Nov. 21st, 2014 09:10 pm
colorblue: (Default)
[personal profile] colorblue
[personal profile] akilanajmah linked me to this. It is the most addictive thing.

dira: Bucky Barnes/The Winter Soldier (Default)
[personal profile] dira
Behold, the latest round of my ongoing Shame vs. Ego battle where I think I'm too mortified to cop to writing something except I can't not put my name on my work. (Ego is so far undefeated, but this was a closer battle than most; I think it stayed anon for more than twenty-four hours over at [community profile] hydratrashmeme before I stuck it up on the AO3.)

Uh. We don't ever, ever have to talk about this or acknowledge that it happened, though. It's fine.

I swear I'll write something nice again someday. Like. Underage hookerfic is nice, right? I mean, comparatively.

Butt Stuff (3801 words) by Dira Sudis
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Hydra Agents
Characters: James "Bucky" Barnes, Hydra Agents
Additional Tags: HYDRA Trash Party, Sadism, Medical Torture, Enemas, hydratrashmeme, Crying, Begging
Summary:


"It's all right if you need to make noise," Mercer reminded him. "You're allowed during procedures."

umadoshi: (introvert)
[personal profile] umadoshi
According to the folks who keep track of this sort of thing and report on it on Twitter, this stint at Casual Job was the longest (autumn) session since 2009, which happened to be my first real time working there (and in 2009 the length of the stint--which was only one day longer than this year's--was due to extenuating circumstances that were not present this time). No wonder everyone in the office is so exhausted. O_o

But it's over until the spring session now, other than going back for the office Christmas party, whenever that is. (Five years in, I'm still impressed that I enjoy my co-worders enough to willingly go back and socialize when there's zero pressure to do so. ^_^)

I'd been thinking that finishing in November this year might leave me with the energy to do some sort of holiday party thing at our place for the first time in several years, but I used to do it around St. Nicholas Day (December 6), and even though it's a couple weeks away, I doubt I'll be recharged enough by then to have a mass of people in the house; when I burn out, pulling myself back together is a slow, slow process. :/ But I am at least optimistic about doing more Christmas baking than I have in the past few years, so that's something!

Introvert icon notwithstanding, I'm putting together some very low-key social plans to interweave with my freelance stuff over the next few days. Arpeggio of Blue Steel vol. 4 is due Monday, but right now it's looking like [personal profile] wildpear will be over for at least a little while tomorrow evening (she can flail delightedly at me about The 100, which she fell headlong into this week after reading Sarah Rees Brennan's posts about it; I guess it's getting bumped way up in priority on my list so I can talk to her about it ^_^), and her Sunday evening class is over for the year now, so we can get back to Sunday night hangout-and-TV. Good timing, that! And Monday evening Kas, [personal profile] scruloose, [twitter.com profile] CrissyBlanchett, and I are probably going to see Mockingjay Part 1--not exactly opening night, but hopefully having read the books will mostly inoculate me when I inevitably stumble over spoilers here and there.

But other than those few things, I expect/hope to spend the next several days sleeping, rewriting Arpeggio, and trying to dust off the many lines of communication that got neglected while Casual Job was on. And writing. Wow, do I ever need to do some writing. I hope that part of my brain comes back online soon.

This isn't quite the Wednesday reading meme, but last night I finished reading The Raven Boys. I really enjoyed it, but rather than carry on to the next book immediately, I'm going to reread Parasite in preparation for Symbiont coming out on Tuesday. After I'm done with those, I can backtrack and pick up The Dream Thieves.

(What this really means is that I failed utterly at strategizing when I was choosing what to read a few days ago; if I'd been thinking, I would've opted for a standalone novel instead of the first of a series [of which I have three books on the shelf]. Oh, well.)

And as I already mentioned sadly on Twitter, today I had a copy of Symbiont in my hand and didn't buy it. >.< The bookstore in the mall by the office had it out on the shelf already, but the release date isn't until Tuesday, and I absolutely want my purchase to count towards Seanan's first-week sales numbers. (I took the lone copy up to the register and told them why I wasn't buying it, but I suspect there's a 50-50 chance it got reshelved after I left.) The stupidity of early sales not counting towards first-week sales still blows my mind.

Resting update

Nov. 20th, 2014 09:50 pm
juliet: (Default)
[personal profile] juliet
So last week (or the week before; whichever) I decided that I was going to REST in November. (Where "in November" is defined as "in the bits of November which are not Leon-days and when I do not already have commitments, i.e. only actually about 8 days in total.)

My observations so far:

  • I am not all that good at resting. I keep thinking "right, so what am I going to DO today? what is my GOAL? what do I want to ACHIEVE?" and then having to remind myself that what I am DOING today is nothing.

  • I am really not all that good at resting. My idea of 'doing nothing' is only spending an hour or so doing ticky-box useful things, and then the rest of the time knitting. And reading, which ought to count, except I keep finding myself reading things off the 'I really must read this' pile rather than just fun things. OK, sometimes the IRMRT pile contains unexpectedly fun things (if they were truly expectedly fun I would have read them already; they tend to be things that I might be pleased to have read but are not necessarily restful). But still. I mean, I do like knitting! But I find it curious that it is so difficult not to do something that I clock as 'vaguely useful'.

  • Having said all of that, I have had a couple of naps in the last fortnight, which were great! And I have done enjoyable reading and knitting rather than (mostly) hurtling around the place with the mile-long to-do list, so we will count this as a win.

  • When I have sat down for an hour with the to-do list, the enjoyment of crossing things off the list has been significantly higher than usual, which I found fascinating. Possibly partly because I was limiting the time I was going to spend doing it? Rather than having a whole day (and more...) of ticky-box tasks stretching ahead of me.

  • I do, overall, feel better than I did when I made the decision.

  • I do need to rethink what I'm trying to fit into my normal life at the moment. I have done some provisional thinking on this and will continue to contemplate it next week.

  • I have also done some writing just because I wanted to, which is an improvement on last month when it was all about ticking things off. This was pleasing. Long may it continue. (The interesting thing is finding the balance between the self-discipline of 'show up and write'; the feeling of 'I want to do this and am enjoying the process' (where 'enjoying' also covers 'this is hard work and exhausting but satisfying'); and the bit where you just need to keep on plugging.



Further updates at the end of the month, if I think of any.
umadoshi: (Kittenbus friends w/cats (theidolhands))
[personal profile] umadoshi
In some form or another, the text or subtext of nearly all of my posts for the last couple of months has included "work is still a whirlwind, and thus I am still behind on everything else". This includes leaving comments, reading posts (hence the uncontrollable Sea of Tabs), and...well, basically everything that isn't work.

So to new or newish folks (also, hello and welcome!), if you find me commenting or replying to comments days later than one might expect, it's due to the specter of what I affectionately call "Casual Job" (due to the fact that I'm a casual employee, rather than the hours; it was recently mentioned by a couple of people that my nickname for it is somewhat misleading, given the fact that our hours are all over the map and sometimes ludicrous). It consumes my life twice a year. Fortunately, I really enjoy the work and have awesome coworkers, because between Casual Job and my freelance work, I have basically nothing left over for the duration.

BUT.

This round of work may end tomorrow. No one in my office has a shred of control or influence over when it ends, so it also may not end tomorrow, but hope springs eternal. (I am so done. Just...done. I am beyond ready to hibernate for the winter with [personal profile] scruloose [husband], the kittens, the tea stash, and my freelance deadlines. Emphasis on the deadlines, 'cause I have a manga rewrite due on Monday. Whee!)

And now to bed. Like An Adult. Or something.

wednesday reading, and an update

Nov. 19th, 2014 07:43 pm
cofax7: cofax spits on Aeryn's relationship with John since 1999 (FS - Spitting on the Ship)
[personal profile] cofax7
So. Hmm. Lemme think.

Recently finished: Hmm. I guess I should list So Big, by Edna Ferber, for book club. It's not well-known now (I had never heard of it before it was picked for book club), but it won the Pulitzer for fiction in 1925. (To be fair, there was some serious campaigning for the prize by a publisher friend of Ferber...) I really enjoyed it. It's the story of the daughter of a gambler, who is thrown on her own when her father dies unexpectedly. At 19, she has great plans, but starts out as a schoolteacher in farm country outside of Chicago--and somehow never manages to leave. She's a marvelous character, full of strength and vivacity, and the book is more than worth it just for her story. It's basically a feminist novel in its valuing of women, and women's labor, even though the book is actually named after the protagonist's son. The second part of the book concerns itself with the son, and I found it less engaging, but it's still well worth the read. And I will find more Edna Ferber to read now!

Also, I don't know if you all remember this, but I'm a huge fan of Molly Gloss, especially The Hearts of Horses. And now she has a new novel out, Falling from Horses, which is basically a sequel to Hearts of Horses but not completely. You don't need to read the first one to follow the second. They are both about horses, naturally. But Falling from Horses is about Hollywood, and the damage we do in creating those fantasies. A young Oregon cowboy goes to Hollywood in 1938 to become a stunt rider, and gives us a look into the movie business at the time, and the lives and deaths of horses and men (and a very few women). It's gorgeously written, with the simplicity and vividness of prose that is Gloss' hallmark. But it is also devastating, and heartbreaking, and no one who cannot bear to read about animal harm should read this. Still, I really enjoyed it, especially to learn about Martha and Henry, despite their struggles and tragedies. Martha's letter to the schoolteacher, for instance, is wonderful.

I also read Ancillary Sword, which I really enjoyed!

Current reading: I'm finally reading Wolf Hall, after having it on my Kindle for the last few years. It is, of course, very well-written, but I'm glad I'm at least fairly familiar with Tudor politics (after my many years of Dunnett fandom), because I could see one getting very confused very easily. I'm also sort of reading an Andre Norton novel I picked up used, Brother to Shadows. It's not one I've read before, probably because it was published in 1993, which I think means she didn't write much of it. It's not very compelling, although I always like to see Zacathans show up.

Up next: probably Rachel and Sherwood's book Stranger, but not until I finish Wolf Hall.

*

Update: TNG is safe home from her surgery, looking ridiculous with a donut around her neck and her butt shaved bare. She is asleep at my feet as I type.

quick update

Nov. 19th, 2014 06:55 am
cofax7: Giles: men in bifocals: I spit (BtVS - Giles Bifocals)
[personal profile] cofax7
1. TNG had cancer surgery yesterday, which went well and they think they got all the tumor. I get to bring her home tonight and she will look ridiculous because they shaved her entire butt. However while she was under they gave her x-rays and determined that she has severe hip dysplasia. (I knew she was having some trouble, but not that it was so far along. Bad owner.) So in future there will be less running for her, and a new cushy bed (which she will destroy, because that's what she does). And glucosamine and fish oil.

2. Dad's doing okay but there may be something neurological going on. Sigh.

3. Job is okay except that I'm spending so much time dealing with TNG and my Dad's doctor visits etc. that I'm going to have a hard time finding enough PTO at Christmas. Bah.

4. In better news, I discovered Manhattan on Hulu, and why isn't anyone talking about this show? The cast is great -- it includes Olivia Williams from Dollhouse as the disgruntled scientist wife of a scheming physicist working at Los Alamos during WWII. Also Richard Schiff as a terrifying security investigator/interrogator.

I'm watching it in binges--2 or 3 episodes at a time, and I'm about 7 episodes in. Definitely recommend it if you have any interest in period dramas, and it's also a commentary on the modern security state.

It aired originally on WGN, but the first season is already over. If you get Hulu Plus, you can watch it. Give it a try!

NaNoWrimo, Day 19

Nov. 19th, 2014 07:30 am
dira: Allison Argent, smiling delightedly (Allison - Smile)
[personal profile] dira
To the surprise of perhaps EVERYONE, I am actually still on pace for Nano! Yesterday's target was 30,000 words, and I ended the day with 30,724. (That's only the words that count for Nano--the total word count on the hookerfic right now is 81,253.) Even better, the end is sort of in sight! I'm into the last set of stuff that happens in the middle of the story, before the end starts kicking in! I'm not going to make it too far into the end by the end of November or the 50,000-word mark, and frankly I'm a little unclear* about how the end even works, but. Ending! It's gonna happen! I'M GOING TO FINISH THIS STORY YOU GUYS.

The thing that actually kind of blows my mind about my Nanowrimo productivity is that, in addition to writing 30,000 words in 18 days for my Nano story... I've also written about 17,000 words of other fic in those same 18 days. So in case anyone was wondering how strong is my fixation on Bucky Barnes: strong enough to compel me to write a total of 47,000 words of fic in 18 days. THANKS, BUCKY. I reward you by... having two different trash fics in progress right now. But also a story where totally nice things happen to Bucky! Um. That one is progressing slower than most, but still.

I am also also somehow cultivating a bit of a... social life? In amidst all of this? Going places, meeting people. A bunch of it is Nanowrimo-focused write-ins, but some of it isn't, it's just me actually getting out and being social. I'm a little scared that I'm going to hit December, stop frantically juggling all of this, and just collapse and do nothing at all, but... even if I do, I'll have written lots of stuff and met lots of people! So. ONWARD!



*I somehow got distracted in mid-sentence and initially typed "happy" for "unclear," which is a typically optimistic Freudian slip from me.

Another sentence heard at work

Nov. 18th, 2014 02:41 pm
foxfirefey: A guy looking ridiculous by doing a fashionable posing with a mouse, slinging the cord over his shoulders. (geek)
[personal profile] foxfirefey
"those are the more bread and butter cancers of the kidney"

Catching up on at least a bit of TV

Nov. 18th, 2014 12:47 am
umadoshi: (TGW - Alicia and Kalinda listening)
[personal profile] umadoshi
I would just like to bask in the fact that [personal profile] scruloose and I are caught up on The Good Wife. And it's even Monday! So it's not one of those weeks where we don't get to the previous week's episode until early Sunday evening, which allows us to be caught up for a whopping few hours. I may even manage to sift back and locate some reaction posts, which I haven't been able to read since, oh, the season premiere or so.

That puts us at three whole shows that we're up to date on, the others being Elementary and Legend of Korra. I've gotta say, nothing has driven home the reality of Korra being so close to the series finale as talking to [personal profile] seolh, who tries not to start watching many shows until after their complete run is over, and having her be excited because she can finally start watching it.

I'm not heartbroken that Korra's ending. I've enjoyed a lot of things about last season and this current one, and I love many of the characters, but I never really got over how thoroughly the show initially failed to live up to ATLA and how poorly many aspects of seasons 1 and 2 were handled. Alas.

(So what I'm saying is, this has nothing on the sheer sadness of the time months ago when [personal profile] seolh and I were talking and she was excited about finally getting to start Warehouse 13, which I still miss dearly even though I'm so grumpy about swaths of the final season.)

I'm still going through people's posts for the December meme and leaving prompts, but at this rate I don't know what the odds are of managing to think of/leave topics for everyone, simply because SO MANY PEOPLE are doing it. But my slow progress also means I'm getting a good look at at awful lot of folks' lists of current topics, and I'm really excited to read all kinds of them. *^^*

(no subject)

Nov. 17th, 2014 07:55 pm
violsva: full bookshelf with ladder (Default)
[personal profile] violsva
In my head, somewhere, there’s this muggleborn Ravenclaw at Hogwarts, who loves history. And she’s so excited about History of Magic, she reads all the books she can find, she looks for how it fits in with muggle history…

And then she gets to Hogwarts and realizes that wizards don’t care about history. At all. Class is taught by a ghost who doesn’t care about anything modern and seems surprised when he realizes students actually exist, no one cares if they fall asleep in class, everyone has been assigned the same essay topics every year for the last five hundred years. It’s all about rebellions and wars and treaties, and there’s no social history at all.

And her first couple years she just deals with it, because, hey, new fascinating world she’s learning all about, she can deal with one poorly taught class.

But what made me think about this was the title of Harry’s essay in third year. “Witch-Burning in the Fourteenth Century Was Completely Pointless - discuss.” Because look at that from the point of view of someone who knows something about the motives behind witch-hunts.

So that’s when she loses it and spends the whole summer researching and writing an essay on the historical effects of magical existence on muggles. How wizards let people scapegoat other muggles and especially women for things muggles wouldn’t believe in if there weren’t real wizards everywhere. How pureblood wizards were happy to screw up the lives of the muggles living near them and then avoided all consequences because hey, they had Flame-Freezing Charms if the worst happened, what did they care if someone else was caught and died horribly instead of them. How even today muggles were falsely diagnosed with mental illnesses because wizards weren’t careful enough with their Disillusionment Charms, or because wizards thought Memory Charms were the solution to everything no matter how they affected the victim.

And she hands it in at the start of the year and a week later she gets summoned to the Headmistress’s office.

And Professor McGonagall smiles at her and says “This is a bit unusual, but would you be interested in a TA position?”

As the weekend winds down...

Nov. 17th, 2014 12:28 am
umadoshi: (Newsflesh - check this out (kasmir))
[personal profile] umadoshi
My tabs have not been even slightly tamed, I haven't written more than a couple of paragraphs of fiction, and I am once again painfully behind on comments even though I've just been home from the office for two days.

OTOH, the most pressing rewrites have now all been turned in (although I have another due in just over a week, so guess what I'm doing tomorrow?), I got some actual reading time in (finally started Maggie Stiefvater's The Raven Boys), and tonight I ventured out and had tasty dinner and went to a movie with [personal profile] scruloose, Kas, and [personal profile] seolh.

We saw Gone Girl, and I have a handful of thoughts on it, but I'm not going to try to put them together now. I'll try to manage it this week sometime, which may depend on how Casual Job goes. >.> I'm the only one of the four of us who's read the book, so my experience of the movie may have been quite a bit different than theirs; that said, my "haven't sat down and thought about it much yet" feeling is that it was a very good adaptation, which is extremely nice to be able to say.

I now have some very interesting things lined up to write about next month, but am happy to take more topic prompts. (ICYMI, I'm doing the December posting meme, although I'm not assigning topics to specific dates. The list of prompts so far has been added to that post.)

Also, [personal profile] theladyscribe is hosting a multi-fandom Dreamwidth friending meme. ^_^

As I said, I didn't manage to do any tab-closing to speak of this weekend, but I do have some accumulated (and largely unsorted) linkspam scraped together intermittently over the course of last week: 17 assorted links under the cut )

(no subject)

Nov. 16th, 2014 07:26 pm
fadeaccompli: (academia)
[personal profile] fadeaccompli
I haven't been posting particularly much lately. I was trying to figure out why, today. It's not just that LJ and DW have a low rate of response; I'm pretty much used to that by now. And it's not for lack of ideas, as I often find myself writing the beginning of a post in my head as I walk to the bus or while I'm out with the dog or in the shower. (Not all three at once, though. No dog in the shower. We are firm on this point.) Some of it's fatigue, I suppose; it's been a rough semester. And some of it is that all my tiny inconsequential thoughts, and pictures, have moved over to Twitter.

But a lot of it is exactly what's giving me so much trouble in writing this essay tonight. It's a rough draft, see, for a research paper I haven't finished doing my research on yet. And it's supposed to be a rough draft; the prof wants to see a draft of our paper before we get to the final stages of editing and presenting in class, so that she can help us fix major issues well before we've spent a lot of time on them.

And...well. I'm really bad at writing rough drafts. I tend to write in bursts--the "do a little every day, even if you don't feel like it!" advice is absolute murder on my process--when opportunity aligns with my brain having chewed through the writing ahead of me enough to give me a near-final version. I may go back and do significant structural edits later, when I can see the shape of the whole thing, and I do some line-edits for everything but fanfic, but... I don't really have a significant difference between my first draft and my final. It's either nearly there, or it's not worth doing.

And I need to write this rough draft, see. Before I have all the research done (that's my own fault) or my thoughts completely in order. It's not going to be clean. It's not going to be tidy, or need merely a few cosmetic changes and an expanded paragraph here or clarified sentence there. It's going to be rough, and oh, it's like pulling teeth to get myself to write it at all, because my mind's screaming at me that it's not ready to go on paper, yet.

Writing here has become a little like that. Either it's a tiny little comment (so it might as well go on twitter) or it's a long thoughtful piece, and, well, I don't want to put those up until they're really entirely ready to go. But with no schedule or deadlines or explicit audience, these never solidify into something that's ready to be posted: they just slip right out of my head again.

I don't like putting up long thoughtful things that aren't ready. I don't like being wrong. I am not, thank all that's theoretically holy, anywhere near famous enough (even in the micro-fame of internet fandom or the like) to have to worry about my every word being savaged if people feel like it, but... I see that a lot, you know? I don't want to put up something I'm not ready to defend.

And I'm very seldom ready to defend my words. I don't like arguing. If I'm arguing, it feels like something's already gone wrong.

You'll note that this post doesn't have a strong central thesis. It has a general topic, and a sort of take on that topic, but I haven't supported it very well. But I think I'm going to post it anyway, because I hate to have the journal sitting empty looking like I've abandoned it. Which I haven't! I'm just...tired and distracted and busy and on Twitter, and letting the perfect be the enemy of the good.

Incidentally, I took the GRE last Thursday. I won't have the official scores in for a while, so I have no idea how I did on the written sections, but my preliminary scores on the other sections were pretty good. So there's that.

December talking meme revisited

Nov. 15th, 2014 12:24 am
umadoshi: (fangirl (bisty_icons))
[personal profile] umadoshi
Casual Job is continuing into next week. I foresee another weekend of a) working on rewrites, b) trying to get some tabs closed, and c) curling up into a tired ball of NOOOOO I DON'T WANT TO EVER LEAVE THE HOUSE AGAIN...!

I'll leave it at that for now.

Not counting the fact that I still have three unanswered questions/topics left from last year and still feel weird about it/intend to answer them, I really liked doing this last year, and I love how it made my flists light up with activity. So I'll do it again, albeit the same way I approached it last time:

I am not doing the "pick a specific day" aspect, but that aside, tell me what you'd like me to write about! Fannish feels, kitties, food, routine, random stuff, anything you're curious about, whatever.*

And hopefully over the weekend I'll get a chance to sit down and think of questions for other people. ^_^ (I'm mentally filing that under "getting some tabs closed". I did just create a designated tab group...)

(To other folks doing some form of the meme, [personal profile] kaberett is compiling a master list of people getting involved.)

*I reserve the right to say something isn't working for me as a post idea.

ETA: List of prompts/topics as of November 21 under the cut! )

linkspamminating out on a Friday

Nov. 14th, 2014 08:05 pm
cofax7: Tami Taylor praying (FNL - Tami Prayer)
[personal profile] cofax7
Old Spooks fans might enjoy reading this appreciation of David Oyelowo. (Danny! ::sob::) I had no idea he'd been cast as MLK in Selma. That's awesome.

OK, yes, money cannot buy happiness. (But it can buy medicine and kitchen supplies...)

Every once in a while Outside reminds me why I subscribed for so long: for instance, this investigation of sexual abuse of junior swimmers by their coaches. [Warning for explicit accounts of rape and other forms of abuse.]

Also: The High Cost of Oil, about the tar sands exploitation in Canada.

Huh, looks like I have a new climbing blog to follow. (Which reminds me: gotta get my shoes resoled, again, since the last resoling didn't take. So annoying.)

And these are awesome pictures of scientists descending into a giant hole in Siberia.

It's an amazing time when the Pope would do a better job as chair of Senate Environment and Public Works Committee than a US Senator would. And holy crap, I didn't know that Bobby Jindal has a degree in biology from Brown and still claims he doesn't know if evolution is a thing. ::flails in despair::

**

Got some bad news pet-wise today. SIGH. Damn. If money could fix things, I'd spend the money, but I'm thinking it won't help much. Think good thoughts for TNG. She's the sweetest thing and deserves a good life, for however much she has left.

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